Celebrant Pam Vetter


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Funeral Celebrant Los Angeles

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Articles Submit: A UNIQUE FUNERAL: REMEMBERING BOBBY...

by Pam Vetter

When Bobby Andrews passed away unexpectedly at the young age of 44, his sister, Laura Beck, was not only grieving but caught in the position of having to organize her first funeral. Overwhelmed and facing the unknown, she met with a counselor at the funeral home. "I told my funeral counselor that I did not need or want a minister, priest or rabbi. That's when he told me Celebrants were available. Until then, I was not even aware of their existence." Celebrants meet with families, listen to life stories, and offer options for a personalized funeral service that reflects a loved one's life and personality.

Certified Funeral Celebrant Pam Vetter met with Laura, her immediate family and parents, along with a few of Bobby's friends at Laura's house. "I think a lot of 'un-churched' families feel nervous or judged in dealing with clergy and I don't think the clergy help bridge the gap either. With a Celebrant, it doesn't matter that you didn't make it to church every week or every year; you and your family are accepted for who you are and you are able to celebrate your loved one's life guilt free and without the restrictions or guidelines that church imposes."

Being heard was very important to everyone in the family meeting as Laura explained, "The most important thing to me was that I wanted people to know and remember the boy who I grew up with and the other man that I have shared my life with…my brother. I really wanted my parents and Bobby's friends to have some input for several reasons. We were all grieving terribly and I thought being able to share a little would help them. I wanted other people who would be attending the funeral to know my brother as we knew him - for the generous, loyal, good humored guy he was. I felt it was really important for the service to focus on Bobby - that this was our one 'last shot' as he would say, to share things about him and to say a proper goodbye. I have been to funerals before and felt like the pastor, or whomever, did not know the deceased or their family at all, and having the Celebrant there made it a very personal, moving experience. It was what their title is: A Celebration."

At the service, there was a mixture of laughter and tears, but most importantly, everyone showed gratitude for having Bobby Andrews in their lives. Vetter shared many of his life stories. The story about how he wanted to be a boat captain when he grew up, because he looked up to his father who was a commercial fisherman on the East Coast. The story about his parents taking him for the first time to Yankee Stadium to celebrate his 7 th birthday. The Yankees won that game. The story about him joining his sister Laura in California and making his own career dreams come true. The stories about how he made others laugh in life. The story about his adult baseball league winning the championship game in Dodger Stadium while his dad watched with pride. The story about him going into the swimming pool with his niece and nephew and his car keys always ending up on the bottom of the pool. The story about him making himself available for bone marrow donation if he matched anyone who needed a chance to live. Bobby affected everyone's life in a unique and special way and that was reflected in the service.

Bobby also loved music. Laura said, "Music was important to me because it was so important to Bobby. There are special times in our lives that I remember when I hear certain songs, I think everyone is like that. Music is the background of our lives, so playing Bobby's favorite song was the natural thing to do."

In the end, the funeral service was filled with personal stories and special songs which helped everyone celebrate the life of Bobby Andrews. His friends and family then carried his casket honorably to the coach for his final ride. He was cremated and his ashes will be returned to the waters where he fished off Long Island, NY, as a child. Bobby Andrews will finally be home.

The funeral service was uplifting, a celebration of Bobby's gifts, and it has changed Laura's life as she explained, "I am seriously considering becoming a Celebrant to help other families with funeral service." Her brother would be proud.

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